


Did You Care?

by robertstanion



Series: TGWDLM shit [2]
Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Backstory, F/M, They are all Babies, diary entries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 16:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19360768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: At age 9 she found herself staring at himAt age 15 she found herself panicking after a rumour about him spread around schoolAt age 15 she found herself screaming in his faceAt age 15 she walked out of his house and never walked back inAt age 30 she is having a breakdown on her couch because she saw him againAt age 30 she realised she isn't loved-At age 9 he saw a girl smiling at him across the fieldAt age 15 his life declined rapidlyAt age 15 he knew she knew the rumour was trueAt age 15 he cried himself to sleep that night knowing she didn't care anymoreAt age 30 he ran into her on the streetAt age 30 he knocked on her door-At age 30 they find comfort in each other. Or do they?





	1. Did You Do It?!

"Shit! Sorry!" Emma said apologetically as she bent down to help the man pick his things up. 

"It's alright." Paul smiled, helping her to collect his things. Emma looked up at him.  _Not him._ "I'm sorry d-do I know y-"

"Nope!" Emma said spinning on her heel and speed-walking away. She couldn't fumble with the keys quick enough. She unlocked her door and pushed it open, slamming it behind her, stifling a sob as tears blurred her vision. She stumbled to the couch finally allowing herself to break down. She covered her mouth as tears slipped. She didn't fight. Those fucking eyes. She'd recognise them anywhere. Paul Matthews, the man she assumed was dead for 15 years, had ran into her, literally, in the street. And she felt sick to the stomach...

* * *

Emma and her parents had had a fight again so she stormed out the house and ran to the nearby field. Daisies and dandelions grew as they pleased and the grass grew wild. Jane wouldn't come and find her. She knew she wouldn't. So she sat under the comforting shade of the tree, her back pressed against the bark. Tears threatened to fall which she quickly wiped away. She didn't notice the guy standing in front of her. 

"You okay?"

"AH!" She screamed before covering her mouth. 9 year old Emma Perkins, an overemotional idiot, face to face with a guy she'd never seen before. He had a kind face. But could she trust him?

"Sorry, did I scare you?"

"No...no it's okay..." She sighed, wiping her eyes. 

"You seemed pretty down..."

"Yeah no shit my parents are assholes and told me to my face they favour my sister!" She fake-smiled, averting her eyes to the ground. 

"Yeah that sucks..." He sat next to her. He cared. He listened. Who was he? "I'm Paul. Paul Matthews."

"Emma. Emma Perkins. I'm 9"

"Me too." He smiled. He had a kind smile. He seemed genuine. And that's what Emma looked for. 

"Wanna be friends?" She asked, turning to face him, her long brown hair a frizzed mess. 

"Sure. Do you come around here often?"

"Yeah. Quite a bit. After every fight with my family which is a couple of days at most." He sighed. 

"That's not good."

"Yeah, but hey, it's home." And that was the start of a blossoming friendship. 

* * *

**TW: Mention of a suicide attempt**

Over the next 6 years, they only grew closer. Often playing in the field. They exchanged numbers. Emma felt a twang of disappointment in her heart when she realised Paul hadn't gotten in to Hatchetfield High, but that wouldn't change anything would it? No. They'd be okay. He'd be going to Sycamore. They were okay. 

Or were they

"Have you heard? The nerd from Sycamore finally tried to slip the noose!" A girl with auburn hair said. Emma knew exactly who she was on about and became invested in the conversation. 

"Paul Matthews? God I hate that guy." She started, keeping up her act of recklessness. 

"Tried to end it at 6:34 this mornin'" She said, her southern accent peeping through. She sighed and walked to the girls bathroom. She pulled her phone out and dialled him immediately...

 

His life had taken a turn for the worst. Of course he wouldn't tell Emma. As soon as he started showing the meek bit of interest in her and she didn't react the same about him, he knew it'd kill him. So there he was, 6:34, kicking the chair. He was home alone and instead fell out of the grasp of the rope and fell to the ground. However, the rope did still catch his throat and there was a burn there. So it was painful to talk. He hit his head bad on the floor and with blurred vision took the scene down. His phone was ringing. He'd stayed off school. He was still shaking. He didn't answer. He just hid under the covers, facing towards the navyish blue walls of his room. He didn't realise how quick time went because he heard his bedroom door slam open. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" She screamed at him. His parents were at work. He'd told them he had a migraine. They believed him. 

"Emma I-" He said turning to face her. Her face had mascara stained tears falling down it. She'd obviously been crying a lot today. He was 15 and tried to stop himself from progressing. 

"NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! EVERY DAY I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP! 'PAUL ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU WANT HELP?' NO! THE ANSWER WAS ALWAYS NO! AND THEN I GET INTO SCHOOL AND I'M TOLD YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF!"

"Emma please-" his voice was quiet and hoarse from the pain. 

"SAVE IT!" She screamed at him again. "I thought I could trust you! I believed you! Fuck was I the fool! How much more have you been keeping from me?" he didn't have the energy to cry. "HUH!?" 

"i haven't been hiding anything..." Emma slapped him. She was shaking as she backed away. His cheek now stung ten times worse than a bee sting. 

"YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ATTEMPT TO- You know what Paul. I hope you're fucking satisfied by my reaction!" And with that she turned and left the room. She never came back. He'd lost her. 

 

His parents found out and lectured him. He didn't care. He lost Emma. And Emma was his life. During recovery, he wrote a song that was half finished but as he saw Emma in Brigadoon, he knew the final lyric. When he published it, it went viral around Hatchetfield. This meant Emma got sent the text  _is this about you?_ She scoffed but listened to it. 

_If that was you across the road do you promise to keep my truth. If that was me staring back at you I said I'd hold our youth. In my hands in my hands and in my heart I hold the key. but you just don't understand how much you mean to me. I'm your bridge over troubled water the calm before the storm. I'm everything you've ever needed yet you still want more. And here you are upon a stage ignoring nobody but me. If only we could talk it out and then I hoped you'd see. What you mean, what you mean. How much I love you, my friend. But obviously you want all this to end. And that's the thing. I've been so dedicated. I've been making sure your safe and well. And here I am. Being taken for granted. And it's really taking toll. Do you care? I guess not. Because now you leave me alone. You just don't care when I try to call your phone. Leaving me gone. In my hands in my hands in my heart I hold the truth, The truth is that I will never stop loving you._

Paul had always loved her. She threw her head in her hands. She'd just finished packing for Guatamala. She wasn't coming back.

* * *

 

She managed to avoid thinking of Jane's funeral. She was still sobbing on her couch. And then there was a knock at the door. Quickly, she scurried to make herself look presentable and when she opened the door. Well, everything came back to her yet again. 


	2. Can You Trust Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At age 30 they stand face to face at Emma's door. He's going to try as hard as he can to win her back.

He did know her. He knew that voice. He knew that hair. Emma. He could see her trembling, and it's going to sound stalkerish, but he followed her home for reassurance. She slammed the door behind her and he could hear her crying inside. He'd been a right asshole to her. He'd lied. But he had to make sure she was okay. So he knocked. He heard the door open and looked down. He saw Emma, wide eyed, same mascara tracks falling down her face. She immediately turned away, obviously upset. He didn't know what to say either. 15 years gone in a snap. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. She didn't turn around. 

"Emma-"

"Don't, Paul! Don't even bother!" She didn't turn around to look at him. 

"You still haven't forgiven me huh..."

"No sane person would! You lied to my face countless times I was supposed to be there for you I was your best friend and you couldn't tell me?!" She spun around then. God how it hurt her to see her like this. "How long had you been like it huh? How long Paul!"

"Two years."

"Two yea-" she cut herself off with a sigh. "And you couldn't tell me!"

"I didn't want to hurt you.."

"So you hid it?!"

"Well, yeah..."

"Why?" 

"I didn't want to hurt you!"

"Well tough because that's exactly what you did. 15 years Paul! 15 years that have gone by without me feeling like I was part of the problem! And when my sister died and I was alone because you'd fucking hurt me-"

"Woah woah woah your sister died?" He asked softly. She didn't say anything but started crying harder. 

"Car crash last October." She said before sobbing again. He walked over to her. 

"I had no idea."

"WELCOME TO MY WORLD!" She suddenly shouted. They looked at each other, the same thing in their eyes. Want. What did they want? She shook her head and he walked closer to her. She gladly threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-"

"No. I'm sorry. I should have told you. I should have gotten help when you suggested it."

"Was the song about me?"

"The- oh don't remind me."

"Was it?"

"...yes."

"I saw you in the audience during Brigadoon."

"Did you?" She nodded against his chest. "We were dragged there-"

"It doesn't matter. I never meant to cut you out I swear-"

"Shhh. Emma. It's okay." He smiled. They had each other back. 


End file.
